I sat the other day thinking how I often wish I could catch the words I was speaking as they were leaving my mouth. Any kind of words, words of love, word of correction. words of wisdom, words of instruction. Any kind of words, or sentence.
I have been faced with the ultimate reality, that once the words have left my mouth and have hit the ears of others around me, I can only do one of two things, stand behind what I have said, or apologize. I think that sums it pretty much.
I sat thinking, what If I stop asked myself, is this helpful, is this uplifting, does it matter, is it going to have repercussions, is it useful, does it matter, all before I spoke? Lol I kind of laughed at my response in my head which was, well then I would miss the moment!
I have been the end of horrible words, and I have been the person abused by things that could have been better left un said, if only someone who have thought before they spoke.
I remember the first time Someone said I love you, I remember the first person who said I hate you, I remember the words, stupid, failure, beautiful, singer, talented, worthless, valuable. I think our brains hold on to words, like memories are just with us always, I think words end up in the same place. Weather we want them or not they kind of just find a way to stick and hang around!
And as I sit in a place of discipleship, and in a place of "influence" I just want to put a guard over my mouth. I want to not just speaking to hear my voice, but speak to be heard and speak because it's important. Speak not out of feelings but speak because it matters.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Not just for the sake of doing...
The DTS has been reading a book called Heavenly Man, which if you have never read I would put it on your list of must reads. Its a story about a man who is persecuted for his faith in China. He tells the story of what his life has been like serving the Lord.
Through out the whole book, you have the expectation that He is going to die in prision because of the beatings, because of the guards, all because He was a man that wanted to tell the world about Jesus. The Lord has so captivate His heart, that nothing was going to make him deny Jesus, not even the threat and actions of those who wanted to kill him.
I have sat with some students time after time of reading this book, and it has the feeling of my faith is to weak. Could I be tortured for the name of Christ? Could I really die for Christ?
But what if we have this wrong. Here is a man in China who is being persecuted He knew that becoming a follower meant for him to lay down his life in all capacities. He knew that. Yun knew that becoming a Christian in China meant that at some point He would be faced with the ultimate decisions. Jesus or death?
What Im boggled by is the fact that as I read this book, I get this fire in me that says I would do that...I think if I had to I would lay down my life for the name of Jesus.
Followed by my heart asking, Your willing to die a physical death For Jesus, but your not willing to give up the things that separate you from Jesus now?
What is our generation doing with speaking things out of our mouths what our hearts don't really believe. I want to be in a place that I would die for the name of Christ. Yet I walk around everyday with things in my heart that separate me from Christ, and He asks everyday for me to give those things to him, That won't cause physical death, Yet I say NO! I say no Im comfortable, No I want this. No I need this. No this is my dream, No No No NO!
How is God asking you to lay down your life?
Is He asking you to lay down your rights?
Is He asking to you to get rid your selfishness?
Is He asking you to lay down your dreams?
Is He asking you to submit to Him no matter the cost?
Is He asking you just to let go and let Him?
It looks different for each of us. But don't let our mouths say what our hearts don't believe, because then we become the hypocrites of our generations.
Through out the whole book, you have the expectation that He is going to die in prision because of the beatings, because of the guards, all because He was a man that wanted to tell the world about Jesus. The Lord has so captivate His heart, that nothing was going to make him deny Jesus, not even the threat and actions of those who wanted to kill him.
I have sat with some students time after time of reading this book, and it has the feeling of my faith is to weak. Could I be tortured for the name of Christ? Could I really die for Christ?
But what if we have this wrong. Here is a man in China who is being persecuted He knew that becoming a follower meant for him to lay down his life in all capacities. He knew that. Yun knew that becoming a Christian in China meant that at some point He would be faced with the ultimate decisions. Jesus or death?
What Im boggled by is the fact that as I read this book, I get this fire in me that says I would do that...I think if I had to I would lay down my life for the name of Jesus.
Followed by my heart asking, Your willing to die a physical death For Jesus, but your not willing to give up the things that separate you from Jesus now?
What is our generation doing with speaking things out of our mouths what our hearts don't really believe. I want to be in a place that I would die for the name of Christ. Yet I walk around everyday with things in my heart that separate me from Christ, and He asks everyday for me to give those things to him, That won't cause physical death, Yet I say NO! I say no Im comfortable, No I want this. No I need this. No this is my dream, No No No NO!
How is God asking you to lay down your life?
Is He asking you to lay down your rights?
Is He asking to you to get rid your selfishness?
Is He asking you to lay down your dreams?
Is He asking you to submit to Him no matter the cost?
Is He asking you just to let go and let Him?
It looks different for each of us. But don't let our mouths say what our hearts don't believe, because then we become the hypocrites of our generations.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
1 of 5,000
Yesterday was a blah kinda day, It seemed to have this super high moments followed by the super low send me to bed moments. But in the midst of my day yesterday I was overcome by the feeling of gratefulness, the feeling of freedom that only Christ can give.
Yesterday I sat in a cafe all the while my phone rings and I see "kid" on the screen. My loving endearing term for the youngest of kids in my family. Followed by Hey I want to tell you something! I love when I get these phone calls from my little brother, and He wants to share life with me. He wants to include me and tell me about things!! Anyway He continues to tell me about how Haiti was and how doors are opening for him.
As we were talking I just sat there listening and thinking about how the Lord has done so much. How I remember when he was a kid who use to run around screaming and we called him caramel Popcorn because of his hair. And how I watched him grow and wanted to be a fire fighter, then a football player, then a baseball player, to back to a fire fighter, or a police officer, and how the world was his to have!
It still is, he can have it, he can dream it, he can dream as big as he wants and its accomplish-able. And the reason it can be accomplished is because he knows the he can only do it because of Christ!
As we finished our conversation my mind just got to this place of how if we love something why don't we get it? What lies do you believe that keep you from accomplishing the very thing that gives you life??
The Lord has given me this heart to disciple the nations. And so often I cut His dream in half by my little mind and lack of faith to believe that God can use me for big things. If the Lord has given me a heart to disciple, do I ask him where, how long, how many? Or do I just walk by faith and say Lord send me use, I'm your vessel.
I don't want to be a limiter of God in my life in anyway. And I say this in the midst of God trying to weed out where I cut his dreams for me in half. In the place where the Lord is saying bigger, and I'm saying but God I'm comfortable. But He's winning, and in the most gentle, humbly way. In the way of not being angry but the teacher that the Father is, teaching me to dream big with him.
When people say that dream is too big for any person to accomplish, I agree, That's why they aren't ours but His. He gives glimpse of things, and we think that's the whole picture. When in reality, its a 1 piece of a 5000 piece puzzle.
And I know He only gives me a piece because I get ahead of myself. And I would be overwhelmed if He just threw the whole box on the table and said go ahead figure it out. Hes the father that gives us piece by piece, and in time we will see from a different perspective the whole picture.
So I guess the Blog is about How am I cutting the dream?? How can I re submit myself and my life to the Lord, and let him do bigger things, then I could image with me.
It requires of me to let go, and hang on to the only that ever has been, and ever will be. Him.
Yesterday I sat in a cafe all the while my phone rings and I see "kid" on the screen. My loving endearing term for the youngest of kids in my family. Followed by Hey I want to tell you something! I love when I get these phone calls from my little brother, and He wants to share life with me. He wants to include me and tell me about things!! Anyway He continues to tell me about how Haiti was and how doors are opening for him.
As we were talking I just sat there listening and thinking about how the Lord has done so much. How I remember when he was a kid who use to run around screaming and we called him caramel Popcorn because of his hair. And how I watched him grow and wanted to be a fire fighter, then a football player, then a baseball player, to back to a fire fighter, or a police officer, and how the world was his to have!
It still is, he can have it, he can dream it, he can dream as big as he wants and its accomplish-able. And the reason it can be accomplished is because he knows the he can only do it because of Christ!
As we finished our conversation my mind just got to this place of how if we love something why don't we get it? What lies do you believe that keep you from accomplishing the very thing that gives you life??
The Lord has given me this heart to disciple the nations. And so often I cut His dream in half by my little mind and lack of faith to believe that God can use me for big things. If the Lord has given me a heart to disciple, do I ask him where, how long, how many? Or do I just walk by faith and say Lord send me use, I'm your vessel.
I don't want to be a limiter of God in my life in anyway. And I say this in the midst of God trying to weed out where I cut his dreams for me in half. In the place where the Lord is saying bigger, and I'm saying but God I'm comfortable. But He's winning, and in the most gentle, humbly way. In the way of not being angry but the teacher that the Father is, teaching me to dream big with him.
When people say that dream is too big for any person to accomplish, I agree, That's why they aren't ours but His. He gives glimpse of things, and we think that's the whole picture. When in reality, its a 1 piece of a 5000 piece puzzle.
And I know He only gives me a piece because I get ahead of myself. And I would be overwhelmed if He just threw the whole box on the table and said go ahead figure it out. Hes the father that gives us piece by piece, and in time we will see from a different perspective the whole picture.
So I guess the Blog is about How am I cutting the dream?? How can I re submit myself and my life to the Lord, and let him do bigger things, then I could image with me.
It requires of me to let go, and hang on to the only that ever has been, and ever will be. Him.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Seek me With all your Heart
Seek means to Search
Me means for another.
With means joined
all means to have nothing left
Yours Means mine given away
Heart means well spring of life.
One needs to search to find another, and be joined, to leave nothing, and to give everything, to find the well spring of Life. Jesus.
.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Days of Thanks (6)
I am thankful for Friends. The ones I get to see often, the ones I don't get to see often, the ones that live far away, the one that I have known forever and the ones Im just meetings.
Friends make life all the more interesting!
Dad, Thank you for friends!
Friends make life all the more interesting!
Dad, Thank you for friends!
Monday, November 7, 2011
Everyone can jump, Now try landing
The thrill of jumping is just that a thrill. I'm in the air and on my way down, all of sudden where am I landing how should I put my feet, where is the softest place to land. What looks the least damaging if failure.
I know a little random of an opening, but catch this with me, It takes a whole lot of practice to make something right. It takes a whole lot of making mistakes to figure out the best end result. It takes time to build a relationship, it takes time to create a past.
Every moment we take a jump with the Lord, we are creating new ground of faith with him. Every time we jump with the Lord, we are creating new steps of relationship, new steps of profound testimony to the truth and character of Jesus Christ.
I am a jumper, now, it takes me a while before Ill jump, making sure is these really safe, have I worked out all the possible equations, figured out all that could wrong, and counting the cost of the jump. But ya know, no matter how much I plan ahead, I still find that the wind is off by 5 degrees so it messes up my landing. And when I realize that the wind is different my faith kicks in and my trust increases, because the History of my relationship with the creator is that He sees the things I dont.
Praise God!
I know a little random of an opening, but catch this with me, It takes a whole lot of practice to make something right. It takes a whole lot of making mistakes to figure out the best end result. It takes time to build a relationship, it takes time to create a past.
Every moment we take a jump with the Lord, we are creating new ground of faith with him. Every time we jump with the Lord, we are creating new steps of relationship, new steps of profound testimony to the truth and character of Jesus Christ.
I am a jumper, now, it takes me a while before Ill jump, making sure is these really safe, have I worked out all the possible equations, figured out all that could wrong, and counting the cost of the jump. But ya know, no matter how much I plan ahead, I still find that the wind is off by 5 degrees so it messes up my landing. And when I realize that the wind is different my faith kicks in and my trust increases, because the History of my relationship with the creator is that He sees the things I dont.
Praise God!
Days of Thanks (5)
Im Thankful for the gift of breath.
The breath of life that lives inside me that I take for granted. It keeps me alive and sustains my every moment.
Dad thank you for breath!
The breath of life that lives inside me that I take for granted. It keeps me alive and sustains my every moment.
Dad thank you for breath!
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